Devastated.

I now know that I have never felt this emotion before in my life, until now. That emotion is devastation. I was too young to fully understand 9/11 or I bet I'd be devastated about that too. I'm still devastated about what happened 2 weeks ago in Connecticut. Are you kidding me? Little babies? My heart hurts, and my stomach is sick. I literally have not stopped thinking about this since I heard about it. I can't. I try, but I can't.

It occurred on the day I took my last final. A day I should have been celebrating, but that was the last thing I felt like doing. How could I celebrate anything in this ugly world again?

Admittedly, I've always been naive and a little bit optimistic. Unlike my parents, I believe there are good in people. That there is good in this world. That there are people who will return my purse and not take anything if I leave it at a mall. That neighbors will bring me meals in time of need. And that people are good.You can imagine how much this event struck me to my core. No one can go into a school of little kids, little babies and shoot them point blank just because. But he did.

As one my good friend always says about the death of her little boy, not from the shooting, from stupid cancer! "You can't make sense out of nonsense." And you can't. What happened is sick. It's crazy. It's nonsense and I'll never be able to understand it.

I don't understand mental illness. I don't. Not like I should at least. But what I DO know, is there is nothing that makes me madder than hell than people arguing about this. DO YOU NOT SEE? Anger, and hate created this! This kid was so mad, and so angry, and so sick. And you are acting like him by fighting with some lady on Facebook about gun control. And how horrible of a president Obama is (which I don't see how this has anything to do with what happened, by the way). That doesn't even matter. What matters is there are 20 little kids, little babies, and 6 of the best human beings on this planet who didn't deserve to die and you idiots don't want to do anything about it. You want to fight online with strangers about something you know nothing about.

This isn't a political issue. This isn't a gun issue. This is a mental health issue. I pray for a better world and take comfort that Jesus is my Savior and their Savior too. And those sweet sweet babies are in the best place imaginable. And I pray they help me and Jesus, make this place better because humans have so much more potential than what we're showing right now.

PS. I heard this poem on KBUL 93 a few days after the shooting and I had to share. Also, I'm sorry for being Debbie Downer during the holiday season, but I just HAD to say something. 

Twas' 11 days before Christmas, around 9:38,

when 20 beautiful children stormed through heaven's gate.

Their smiles were contagious, their laughter filled the air.

They could hardly believe all the beauty they saw there.

They were filled with such joy, they didn't know what to say.......

They remembered nothing of what had happened earlier that day.

"Where are we?" asked a little girl, as quiet as a mouse.

"This is heaven." declared a small boy.

"We're spending Christmas at God's house."

When what to their wondering eyes did appear,

but Jesus, their savior, the children gathered near.

He looked at them and smiled, and they smiled just the same.

Then He opened His arms and He called them by name.

And in that moment was joy, that only heaven can bring.

Those children all flew into the arms of their King.

And as they lingered in the warmth of His embrace,

one small girl turned and looked at Jesus' face.

And as if He could read all the questions she had,

He gently whispered to her, "I'll take care of mom and dad."

Then He looked down on earth, the world far below

He saw all of the hurt, the sorrow, and woe.

Then He closed His eyes and He outstretched His hand,

"Let My power and presence re-enter this land!"

"May this country be delivered from the hands of fools"

"I'm taking back my nation. I'm taking back my schools!"

Then He and the children stood up without a sound;

"Come now my children, let me show you around."

Excitement filled the space, some skipped and some ran;

All displaying enthusiasm that only a small child can.

And I heard Him proclaim as He walked out of sight,

"In the midst of this darkness, I AM STILL THE LIGHT."