betrayed..again.

You think you've had your heart broken? I've had worse.Everyone always says "why does everything happen to you Lacy" and I always brushed it off because everyone gets their heartbroken and dates losers. But seriously, after tonight, I'm feeling very pessimistic and think everything DOES happen to me. I have had some of the worst heartbreaks you could ever imagine. I have dated the 20 most ridiculous boys in this state. Now, I'm a loving person. I love being in love. I love spoiling the ones I love. I like to give out love, but after all these heart breaks and let downs, my heart is getting a little tired and a person can only take so much. I feel like each time it gets smaller and smaller and I'm that much closer to swearing of love forever. I believe in happily ever afters that my friends have. Please, God. Please let me still feel love.

The story starts here, 5 years ago as a sophomore in high school.I had basically every class with this kid named Casey Deming (no, he doesn't get privacy. make voo doo dolls, hex him, I don't care). He had a huge crush on me but I was 16 and didn't like boys a whole lot and didn't want to be made fun of for "casey and lacy." We were best buds though and he was the funniest person I knew. He moved home to Minnesota for a bit but we still stayed in contact. Then he moved to Arizona. Still stayed in contact because he moved to Layton soon after. He drove down here (nearly) every weekend and we hung out and did lots of fun stuff. He still always wanted to date me, but I just wasn't into him like that and we were always dating people at the time. Then he meets the devil named Angel. We go see Hancock. They are broken up ok, but the wench calls on the phone and he ditches me. Yes, leaves me in the movie theater..alone and he is my ride. I should have been a little more pissed off about this, but I'm Christian and like to forgive. This was so out of character for him. He was so sweet and loving and caring. I wanted to finish the movie though so my mom came and got me later. I asked what that was all about and apparently wench is prego. Awesome. 3 months later Case texts me and says he's getting married..to her. I tell him not to, but he does. The weeks leading up to and shortly after he begs me to run away with him and that he doesn't want to do this. Being the sweet person I am I try to be there for him as much as I can. Valentines Day 2008 I get a text from him saying we are no longer friends and we can no longer talk because of the things I "said to him." Angel beast yells at me, it's a huge drama fest. I am betrayed. I trusted him, and loved him, and got burned. I cry until I literally cannot cry anymore and try to move on with the loss of a dear friend.

Nearly 2 years later Casedem texts me. Yes, I'm an idiot and text back. He profusely texts me apologizing and wanting to gain my trust back. He INSISTS he is separated from Angel, they're getting a divorce (which did I mention he even told me he had divorce papers the first time he screwed me) and that he misses me. I kept telling him to leave me alone. He choose his life and I chose mine. We weren't in the same path anymore. He wants me to have a good birthday so he buys me a piano, not kidding. I was beyond apprehensive that it was going to come, but it did. And I love it. Ok, maybe this kid is trustworthy. He blabbers about how much he wants to see me. I of course refuse because I don't trust this kid with the things that happened in the past. He books the tickets though and I arrive in California. It was a pretty incredible weekend, I must say. He tearfully apologizes about hurting me the first time and I believe him..:( All he could talk about after was how much he wanted to be together and blah blah. He EVEN went so far as to say we would look at rings when he came down. Not kidding.

Well he decides he's gonna come see me on Presidents Day Weekend. I of course am so excited I can't stand it because after 5 years of waiting, we can be together! We spend Friday afternoon together and it's pretty great. I take him up to Layton to be with his family (as in his in-laws, wife, and baby). I told him a zillion times how much I didn't like this idea and he INSISTED he was staying there for baby and not Lucy (short for Lucifer) and I believed him like the idiot I am. Anyway, before he leaves he kisses me. KISSES ME FOR CHRIST SAKE. And says "See you Sunday" Can you think of a bigger doucher right now, because I can't. I get all giddy about Sunday and I text him my plans because I was planning a fun date night. Our first real date. He informs me we're not gonna hang out but he's gonna stay with his family the rest of the weekend. Huge blow, but I thought everything was still gonna be ok when he got home. I was obviously beyond pissed that he lied to me and everyone was on his side "because he needs to hang out with his kid" (see last post) it wasn't about his kid. It was about him lying.

At the airport about 4 hours ago he told me he loved his wife and daughter and that I was a huge mistake. And of course he didn't answer his phone because that would be a mature thing to do. I feel so used and abused. I have done NOTHING but love this kid while he has beat the shit out of my heart. He sent me a Valentine's present, love notes, a freaking expensive piano and trip. I mean what is going on? For the love of God, who does that?

I used to be SOOO jealous of his wife, and now I feel so sorry for her. She is married to a piece of shit that doesn't know what he wants. And that poor little girl? I hope she never has to go through the heartbreak her dad has caused me. I will be praying amongst tears tonight as I ask for forgiveness and strength. Forgiveness for the mean things I have said and been thinking about him. And strength that in nearly two years when he texts me again, I will have the courage to say no this time. I had a ridiculously rough weekend and I could use some prayers as well. I will also be praying to his mom, who is also an Angel in heaven asking her to watch over her son, and particularly his family. Angel isn't my favorite person in the world, but I hope he never does this to her again. It's just not fair, she carried his child and loves that little girl. They both deserve the best that I have seen from Casey.